Monologue

Waiter Monologue from You Never Can Tell

From You Never Can Tell by George Bernard Shaw

male · sarcastic · 1:39 min

Rehearse this freeFind more monologues
We get on together very well, very well indeed, sir, considering the difference in our stations. (With another of his irresistible transitions.) A small lump of sugar, sir, will take the flatness out of the seltzer without noticeably sweetening the drink, sir. Allow me, sir. (He drops a lump of sugar into the tumbler.) But as I say to him, where's the difference after all? If I must put on a dress coat to show what I am, sir, he must put on a wig and gown to show what he is. If my income is mostly tips, and there's a pretence that I don't get them, why, his income is mostly fees, sir; and I understand there's a pretence that he don't get them! If he likes society, and his profession brings him into contact with all ranks, so does mine, too, sir. If it's a little against a barrister to have a waiter for his father, sir, it's a little against a waiter to have a barrister for a son: many people consider it a great liberty, sir, I assure you, sir. Can I get you anything else, sir?

About this piece

The waiter reflects on the social dynamics between himself and a customer, highlighting the absurdities of class distinctions and familial expectations.

20s · confusion · identity · class · family · society

Rehearse Waiter's monologue

Run it out loud with a spotlight that follows your voice, line by line, until it's off the page. Free to start, no credit card.

Rehearse freeStart rehearsing

More from You Never Can Tell

Browse