(Messina.)

Much Ado About Nothing monologues, printed in full

Benedick's eight, Beatrice's five, Dogberry's six, Leonato at the wedding, Don Pedro, Borachio and Don John. Shakespeare's sharpest comic speeches, and a few that are not comic at all. Public domain, printed whole.

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1
Benedick from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · defiant · 1:37 min
That a woman conceived me, I thank her; that she brought me up, I likewise give her most humble thanks; but that I will have a recheat winded in my forehead, or hang my bugle in…
2
Don Pedro from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · romantic · 0:52 min
What need the bridge much broader than the flood? The fairest grant is the necessity. Look, what will serve is fit: ’tis once, thou lov’st, And I will fit thee with the remedy. I…
3
Don John from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · defiant · 0:56 min
I had rather be a canker in a hedge than a rose in his grace; and it better fits my blood to be disdained of all than to fashion a carriage to rob love from any: in this, though I…
4
Beatrice from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · sarcastic · 1:30 min
Too curst is more than curst: I shall lessen God’s sending that way; for it is said, ‘God sends a curst cow short horns;’ but to a cow too curst he sends none. (LEONATO: So, by…
5
Beatrice from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · comedic · 1:03 min
The fault will be in the music, cousin, if you be not wooed in good time: if the Prince be too important, tell him there is measure in everything, and so dance out the answer.…
6
Benedick from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · sarcastic · 1:46 min
O! she misused me past the endurance of a block: an oak but with one green leaf on it would have answered her: my very visor began to assume life and scold with her. She told me,…
7
Don Pedro from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · comedic · 0:55 min
And Benedick is not the unhopefullest husband that I know. Thus far can I praise him; he is of a noble strain, of approved valour, and confirmed honesty. I will teach you how to…
8
Borachio from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · dark · 1:31 min
Proof enough to misuse the Prince, to vex Claudio, to undo Hero, and kill Leonato. Look you for any other issue? (DON JOHN: Only to despite them, I will endeavour anything.) Go…
9
Benedick from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · comedic · 3:01 min
Boy! Enter a Boy. (BOY: Signior?) In my chamber window lies a book; bring it hither to me in the orchard. (BOY: I am here already, sir.) I know that; but I would have thee hence,…
10
Benedick from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · contemplative · 2:16 min
(Advancing from the arbour.) This can be no trick: the conference was sadly borne. They have the truth of this from Hero. They seem to pity the lady: it seems her affections have…
11
Hero from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · romantic · 0:52 min
Good Margaret, run thee to the parlour; There shalt thou find my cousin Beatrice Proposing with the Prince and Claudio: Whisper her ear, and tell her, I and Ursala Walk in the…
12
Hero from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · contemplative · 2:02 min
Why, you speak truth. I never yet saw man, How wise, how noble, young, how rarely featur’d, But she would spell him backward: if fair-fac’d, She would swear the gentleman should…
13
Don Pedro from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · comedic · 1:02 min
I do but stay till your marriage be consummate, and then go I toward Arragon. (CLAUDIO: I’ll bring you thither, my lord, if you’ll vouchsafe me.) Nay, that would be as great a…
14
Dogberry from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · comedic · 1:16 min
First, who think you the most desartless man to be constable? (FIRST WATCH: Hugh Oatcake, sir, or George Seacoal; for they can write and read.) Come hither, neighbour Seacoal. God…
15
Borachio from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · dark · 1:25 min
Not so neither; but know, that I have tonight wooed Margaret, the Lady Hero’s gentlewoman, by the name of Hero: she leans me out at her mistress’ chamber window, bids me a…
16
Margaret from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · sarcastic · 1:17 min
Moral! no, by my troth, I have no moral meaning; I meant, plain holy thistle. You may think, perchance, that I think you are in love: nay, by’r Lady, I am not such a fool to think…
17
Dogberry from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · comedic · 1:07 min
A good old man, sir; he will be talking; as they say, ‘when the age is in, the wit is out.’ God help us! it is a world to see! Well said, i’ faith, neighbour Verges: well, God’s a…
18
Claudio from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · dark · 1:22 min
Stand thee by, Friar. Father, by your leave: Will you with free and unconstrained soul Give me this maid, your daughter? (LEONATO: As freely, son, as God did give her me.) And…
19
Leonato from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · anguished · 1:49 min
Dost thou look up? (FRIAR: Yea; wherefore should she not?) Wherefore! Why, doth not every earthly thing Cry shame upon her? Could she here deny The story that is printed in her…
20
Friar from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · dramatic · 0:55 min
Hear me a little; For I have only been silent so long, And given way unto this course of fortune, By noting of the lady: I have mark’d A thousand blushing apparitions To start…
21
Friar from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · philosophical · 2:14 min
Marry, this well carried shall on her behalf Change slander to remorse; that is some good. But not for that dream I on this strange course, But on this travail look for greater…
22
Beatrice from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · sarcastic · 1:02 min
Talk with a man out at a window! a proper saying! (BENEDICK: Nay, but Beatrice,—) Sweet Hero! she is wronged, she is slandered, she is undone. (BENEDICK: Beat—) Princes and…
23
Dogberry from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · comedic · 1:31 min
God’s my life! where’s the sexton? let him write down the Prince’s officer coxcomb. Come, bind them. Thou naughty varlet! (CONRADE: Away! you are an ass; you are an ass.) Dost…
24
Leonato from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · anguished · 2:21 min
I pray thee, cease thy counsel, Which falls into mine ears as profitless As water in a sieve: give not me counsel; Nor let no comforter delight mine ear But such a one whose…
25
Leonato from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · defiant · 1:26 min
Tush, tush, man! never fleer and jest at me: I speak not like a dotard nor a fool, As, under privilege of age, to brag What I have done being young, or what would do, Were I not…
26
Don Pedro from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · comedic · 1:45 min
I’ll tell thee how Beatrice praised thy wit the other day. I said, thou hadst a fine wit. ‘True,’ says she, ‘a fine little one.’ ‘No,’ said I, ‘a great wit.’ ‘Right,’ said she, ‘a…
27
Borachio from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · anguished · 1:04 min
Sweet Prince, let me go no farther to mine answer: do you hear me, and let this Count kill me. I have deceived even your very eyes: what your wisdoms could not discover, these…
28
Leonato from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · anguished · 0:54 min
I cannot bid you bid my daughter live; That were impossible; but, I pray you both, Possess the people in Messina here How innocent she died; and if your love Can labour aught in…
29
Dogberry from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · comedic · 1:04 min
Moreover, sir,—which, indeed, is not under white and black,— this plaintiff here, the offender, did call me ass: I beseech you, let it be remembered in his punishment. And also,…
30
Benedick from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · comedic · 1:15 min
And therefore will come. (Exit Margaret.) The god of love, That sits above, And knows me, and knows me, How pitiful I deserve,— I mean, in singing: but in loving, Leander the good…
31
Benedick from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · comedic · 1:09 min
Peace! I will stop your mouth. (Kisses her.) (DON PEDRO: How dost thou, Benedick, the married man?) I’ll tell thee what, Prince; a college of witcrackers cannot flout me out of my…
32
Beatrice from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · sarcastic · 1:16 min
Alas! he gets nothing by that. In our last conflict four of his five wits went halting off, and now is the whole man governed with one! so that if he have wit enough to keep…
33
Antonio from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · dramatic · 1:06 min
He is very busy about it. But, brother, I can tell you strange news that you yet dreamt not of. (LEONATO: Are they good?) As the event stamps them: but they have a good cover;…
34
Claudio from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · dark · 1:07 min
Is this the monument of Leonato? (A LORD: It is, my lord.) (Reads from a scroll.) Epitaph. Done to death by slanderous tongues Was the Hero that here lies: Death, in guerdon of…
35
Benedick from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · sarcastic · 1:07 min
Would you buy her, that you enquire after her? (CLAUDIO: Can the world buy such a jewel?) Yea, and a case to put it into. But speak you this with a sad brow, or do you play the…
36
Beatrice from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · sarcastic · 1:43 min
No; but to the gate; and there will the Devil meet me, like an old cuckold, with horns on his head, and say, ‘Get you to heaven, Beatrice, get you to heaven; here’s no place for…
37
Dogberry from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · comedic · 1:10 min
True, and they are to meddle with none but the Prince’s subjects. You shall also make no noise in the streets: for, for the watch to babble and to talk is most tolerable and not…
38
Dogberry from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · comedic · 1:01 min
Why then, depart in peace, and let the child wake her with crying; for the ewe that will not hear her lamb when it baes, will never answer a calf when he bleats. (VERGES: ’Tis…
39
Friar Francis from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · philosophical · 2:48 min
Pause awhile, And let my counsel sway you in this case. Your daughter here the princes left for dead; Let her awhile be secretly kept in, And publish it that she is dead indeed:…
40
Antonio from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · defiant · 1:25 min
He shall kill two of us, and men indeed: But that’s no matter; let him kill one first: Win me and wear me; let him answer me. Come, follow me, boy; come, sir boy, come, follow me.…
41
Benedick from Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare · play · philosophical · 1:04 min
An old, an old instance, Beatrice, that lived in the time of good neighbours. If a man do not erect in this age his own tomb ere he dies, he shall live no longer in monument than…

Length is estimated at a spoken pace of about 150 words a minute. Public-domain pieces are printed in full on their own page; copyrighted ones list the character and the source.

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