(or what you will.)

Twelfth Night monologues, printed in full

Viola, Malvolio with the letter, Olivia falling for the wrong twin, the Duke on music and the Clown on everything. Some of the best comic monologues in Shakespeare for women, and the one play where the fool gets the last word.

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1
Duke from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · philosophical · 1:34 min
If music be the food of love, play on, Give me excess of it; that, surfeiting, The appetite may sicken and so die. That strain again, it had a dying fall; O, it came o’er my ear…
2
Viola from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · contemplative · 1:03 min
There is a fair behaviour in thee, Captain; And though that nature with a beauteous wall Doth oft close in pollution, yet of thee I will believe thou hast a mind that suits With…
3
Duke from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · inspirational · 1:23 min
Be clamorous and leap all civil bounds, Rather than make unprofited return. (VIOLA: Say I do speak with her, my lord, what then?) O then unfold the passion of my love, Surprise…
4
Clown from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · philosophical · 1:41 min
Wit, and’t be thy will, put me into good fooling! Those wits that think they have thee, do very oft prove fools; and I that am sure I lack thee, may pass for a wise man. For what…
5
Sebastian from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · melancholic · 2:08 min
By your patience, no; my stars shine darkly over me; the malignancy of my fate might perhaps distemper yours; therefore I shall crave of you your leave that I may bear my evils…
6
Duke from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · melancholic · 1:29 min
O, fellow, come, the song we had last night. Mark it, Cesario, it is old and plain; The spinsters and the knitters in the sun, And the free maids, that weave their thread with…
7
Viola from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · contemplative · 1:23 min
Too well what love women to men may owe. In faith, they are as true of heart as we. My father had a daughter loved a man, As it might be perhaps, were I a woman, I should your…
8
Olivia from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · anguished · 1:30 min
For him, I think not on him: for his thoughts, Would they were blanks rather than fill’d with me! (VIOLA: Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts On his behalf.) O, by your…
9
Fabian from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · sarcastic · 1:20 min
This was a great argument of love in her toward you. (SIR ANDREW: ’Slight! will you make an ass o’ me?) I will prove it legitimate, sir, upon the oaths of judgment and reason.…
10
Maria from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · sarcastic · 1:12 min
If you desire the spleen, and will laugh yourselves into stitches, follow me. Yond gull Malvolio is turned heathen, a very renegado; for there is no Christian that means to be…
11
Malvolio from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · defiant · 1:44 min
O ho, do you come near me now? No worse man than Sir Toby to look to me. This concurs directly with the letter: she sends him on purpose, that I may appear stubborn to him; for…
12
Olivia from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · defiant · 1:06 min
Hold, Toby! On thy life I charge thee hold! (SIR TOBY: Madam.) Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch, Fit for the mountains and the barbarous caves, Where manners ne’er were…
13
Sebastian from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · contemplative · 1:30 min
This is the air; that is the glorious sun, This pearl she gave me, I do feel’t and see’t, And though ’tis wonder that enwraps me thus, Yet ’tis not madness. Where’s Antonio, then?…
14
Antonio from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · defiant · 1:18 min
Orsino, noble sir, Be pleased that I shake off these names you give me: Antonio never yet was thief or pirate, Though, I confess, on base and ground enough, Orsino’s enemy. A…
15
Duke from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · dark · 1:29 min
Still so cruel? (OLIVIA: Still so constant, lord.) What, to perverseness? You uncivil lady, To whose ingrate and unauspicious altars My soul the faithfull’st off’rings hath…
16
Malvolio from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · anguished · 1:14 min
Madam, you have done me wrong, Notorious wrong. (OLIVIA: Have I, Malvolio? No.) Lady, you have. Pray you peruse that letter. You must not now deny it is your hand, Write from it,…
17
Malvolio from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · inspirational · 3:19 min
‘M.O.A.I.’ This simulation is not as the former: and yet, to crush this a little, it would bow to me, for every one of these letters are in my name. Soft, here follows prose.…
18
Sir Toby Belch from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · comedic · 1:07 min
What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight? (SIR ANDREW: Faith, I can cut a caper.) And I can cut the mutton to’t. (SIR ANDREW: And I think I have the back-trick simply as…
19
Viola from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · romantic · 1:08 min
The honourable lady of the house, which is she? (OLIVIA: Speak to me; I shall answer for her. Your will?) Most radiant, exquisite, and unmatchable beauty,—I pray you, tell me if…
20
Viola from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · romantic · 1:03 min
If I did love you in my master’s flame, With such a suff’ring, such a deadly life, In your denial I would find no sense, I would not understand it. (OLIVIA: Why, what would you?)…
21
Malvolio from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · defiant · 1:13 min
Were you not even now with the Countess Olivia? (VIOLA: Even now, sir; on a moderate pace I have since arrived but hither.) She returns this ring to you, sir; you might have saved…
22
Malvolio from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · defiant · 1:10 min
My masters, are you mad? Or what are you? Have you no wit, manners, nor honesty, but to gabble like tinkers at this time of night? Do ye make an ale-house of my lady’s house, that…
23
Maria from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · sarcastic · 1:09 min
The devil a Puritan that he is, or anything constantly but a time-pleaser, an affectioned ass that cons state without book and utters it by great swarths; the best persuaded of…
24
Clown from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · comedic · 1:05 min
Troth, sir, I can yield you none without words, and words are grown so false, I am loath to prove reason with them. (VIOLA: I warrant thou art a merry fellow, and car’st for…
25
Sir Toby Belch from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · comedic · 1:10 min
Go, write it in a martial hand, be curst and brief; it is no matter how witty, so it be eloquent and full of invention. Taunt him with the licence of ink. If thou ‘thou’st’ him…
26
Antonio from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · dramatic · 1:25 min
Would you’d pardon me. I do not without danger walk these streets. Once in a sea-fight, ’gainst the Count his galleys, I did some service, of such note indeed, That were I ta’en…
27
Clown from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · comedic · 1:18 min
Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you? (SEBASTIAN: Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow. Let me be clear of thee.) Well held out, i’ faith! No, I do not know you,…
28
Clown from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · comedic · 1:16 min
Well, I’ll put it on, and I will dissemble myself in’t, and I would I were the first that ever dissembled in such a gown. I am not tall enough to become the function well, nor…
29
Duke from Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare · play · romantic · 1:56 min
Pursue him, and entreat him to a peace: He hath not told us of the captain yet. When that is known, and golden time convents, A solemn combination shall be made Of our dear…

Length is estimated at a spoken pace of about 150 words a minute. Public-domain pieces are printed in full on their own page; copyrighted ones list the character and the source.

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