And I was in Albany, and I've been moving heaven and earth to get home before you arrived; and Edward came aboard at Worcester to surprise me, and--Oh, you've never seen the baby! I'll run right and get him this instant, just as he is, and bring him. Edward, you be explaining to Willis--Oh, my goodness! (Looking wildly about.) I don't remember the berth, and I shall be sure to wake up that poor California gentleman again. What shall I do? (CAMPBELL: What California gentleman?) Oh, somebody we've been stirring up the whole blessed night. First I took him for baby, and then Edward took him for me, and then I took him for baby again, and then we both took him for you. (CAMPBELL: Did he look like any of us?) Like us? He's eight feet tall, if he's an inch, in his stockings--and he's always in them--and he has a long black beard and mustaches, and he's very lanky, and stoops over a good deal; but he's just as lovely as he can be and live, and he's been as kind and patient as twenty Jobs.

Mrs Roberts Monologue from The Sleeping-Car: A Farce

Rehearse Mrs Roberts's monologue