Aunt Mary Monologue from The Sleeping-Car: A Farce

From The Sleeping-Car: A Farce by William Dean Howells

female · comedic · 1:15 min

Why, she couldn't call it in human hair, my dear. (MRS: ROBERTS. No--just hair.) Then people might think it was for mattresses. But, as I was saying, I took it off that night, and tucked it safely away, as I supposed, in my pocket, and I slept sweetly till about midnight, when I happened to open my eyes, and saw something long and black crawl off my bed and slip under the berth. Such a shriek as I gave, my dear! "A snake! a snake! oh, a snake!" And everybody began talking at once, and some of the gentlemen swearing, and the porter came running with the poker to kill it; and all the while it was that ridiculous switch of mine, that had worked out of my pocket. And glad enough I was to grab it up before anybody saw it, and say I must have been dreaming.

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