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Monologue

Undershaft Monologue from Major Barbara

From Major Barbara by Bernard Shaw

male · sarcastic · 1:16 min

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That's just it: all the foundlings I can find are exactly like Stephen. (LADY BRITOMART: Andrew!!) I want a man with no relations and no schooling: that is, a man who would be out of the running altogether if he were not a strong man. And I can't find him. Every blessed foundling nowadays is snapped up in his infancy by Barnardo homes, or School Board officers, or Boards of Guardians; and if he shows the least ability, he is fastened on by schoolmasters; trained to win scholarships like a racehorse; crammed with secondhand ideas; drilled and disciplined in docility and what they call good taste; and lamed for life so that he is fit for nothing but teaching. If you want to keep the foundry in the family, you had better find an eligible foundling and marry him to Barbara. (LADY BRITOMART: Ah! Barbara! Your pet! You would sacrifice Stephen to Barbara.) Cheerfully. And you, my dear, would boil Barbara to make soup for Stephen.

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