Lady Utterword Monologue from Heartbreak House

From Heartbreak House by Bernard Shaw

female · sarcastic · 1:13 min

Why is Randall such an obvious rotter? He is well bred; he has been at a public school and a university; he has been in the Foreign Office; he knows the best people and has lived all his life among them. Why is he so unsatisfactory, so contemptible? Why can't he get a valet to stay with him longer than a few months? Just because he is too lazy and pleasure-loving to hunt and shoot. He strums the piano, and sketches, and runs after married women, and reads literary books and poems. He actually plays the flute; but I never let him bring it into my house. If he would only-- (she is interrupted by the melancholy strains of a flute coming from an open window above. She raises herself indignantly in the hammock). Randall, you have not gone to bed. Have you been listening? (The flute replies pertly). How vulgar! Go to bed instantly, Randall: how dare you? (The window is slammed down. She subsides). How can anyone care for such a creature!

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