You may go and tell him I advise him to relinquish his knight-errant project, or I will expose his absurdity by taking the advantage which the law offers in such cases. (HUMPHRY: That is, you'll take the law of him, if he goes for to fight you.) Fight me!--Oh, grovelling idea! Wit-forsaken progeny of a more than soporific pericranium! Fight me!--Hear and be astonished, O Cicero, Demosthenes, Socrates, Plato, Seneca, Aristotle,-- (HUMPHRY: Oh, for shame!--Do you read Haristotle?) Be it known to thee, thou monstrous mass of ignorance, if such an uninformed clod, dull and heavy as that element to which it must trace its origin, can comprehend these very obvious and palpable truths, expressed in the most plain, simple, easy, unscholastic diction.--I repeat again, that you may apprehend me with the greater perspicuity and facility,--be it known to thee, that those immaculate sages would have died rather than have used such an expression; by the dignity of my profession, they would:--'tis true that the ancients had such things as single combats among the Olympic games, and they were always performed by the populace; but such a fight, alias a tilt, a tournament, a wrestle, could not, according to the rule of right, and the eternal fitness and aptitude of things, be properly denominated a bona fide fight; for, as I before observed, it was ipso facto, a game, an Olympic game.--Olympic, from Olympus.

Trueman Monologue from The Politician Out-Witted

Rehearse Trueman's monologue