Are not so antiquated as your own, sir? (There comes a tinkle of the bell, a second and a third.) But come, father, one should always give in to the inevitable, and I have chosen Jane as your most likely spouse. (HARGRAVE: I will not marry that woman! I will not!) Ah, Jane! So glad to see you! I've just been speaking to father about that matter we discussed and he's quite interested already. Fact is, father's always interested, though interesting he is not. I've taken him to task about that blunder, though. Father's a bull for blunders. In the morning I've suggested that he be unfrocked. You'll be there of course? Great sight. ((Facing about.)) Why don't you say something, father! Or should fathers be seen and not heard? But perhaps you desire an introduction. Jane--my father. My father--Jane Gibbs. (Each are about to shake hands, but JACK'S body intervenes and he rambles on.) The family problem is the most important product of this age, and ranks even higher than the servant question. Of course, fathers were fashionable at one time, or I never should have had one. It's a great fault, though, I admit. JANE (loosening wrap). My faults are my fortune, Jack. Some people are even famous for them.

Jack Monologue from The convolvulus: a comedy in three acts

Rehearse Jack's monologue